Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Things that are not fair.

My friend's son failed his newborn hearing screening. I knew there was a problem when I called and she said, "Call me back in ten minutes, because the doctor and nurse are here to give me the results of the hearing test." Uh. What? A doc and a nurse? Never a good sign. You normally sign the paper on the way out the door, if they even bother to show it to you. I had to get another copy of Emmi's when I found out she was deaf, because I didn't even know if I was ever given one.

I waited two hours to call her back. I knew there was something wrong, and I just couldn't stand to hear it. I am sure that is wrong, but I wasn't sure I could handle it. When I did call back, she seemed unconcerned. Although, really that isn't the right word. Uninformed. Unaware. They told her there was a chance it was fluid in the ears. It could be. But? Wouldn't they have checked for that? I mean, it isn't hard to see fluid in the ears. I am not a doctor, and I can tell you how they check for that. They wouldn't need a follow up appointment for an ABR for that. It didn't add up. But she was not worried, yet, and I didn't want to be the one to say anything. And, of course, there is still the possibility that there really is nothing wrong. (Please, please let that be the case.)

It just isn't fair. I keep thinking, "Is this why we became friends? Because we would need each other when we raised our deaf children together?" And instead of comforting me, I feel responsible for this too.


Linda said...

I'm so sorry. I know that you can offer your friend great comfort in that she knows immediately that there's a solution, that her child will be okay. I know, too, that such an event could do the opposite for you, prompting grieving that you just didn't have time to do when you found out about Emmi's hearing loss, when there were more significant worries than whether she heard well or not. I know you'll get through it as you get through everything, but I'm sorry you're having to do so or that another child might be born with a hearing loss.

leahlefler said...

I found your blog from a google search of hearing tests. We were also told our son probably just had "fluid in the ears" causing the "refer" (i.e. fail) result on his screen. I asked if they could see fluid in his ears, and they answered, "no." It's a standard response they give to parents to keep them from getting too worried in case the test was a false positive. Ours wasn't a false positive, but a mild/moderate loss (now progressive).

You'll be a great support person if their baby does have a permanent hearing loss- my best wishes go out to them and I hope their little one passes the diagnostic ABR with flying colors.

Sheri said...

Oh no! You will have to tell me who this is when we talk.

A friend of mine has a son that failed his hearing tests, BUT they did tell her they saw fluid in his ears. He suffered from so many ear infections. They finally put tubes in a few months ago when he was 18mths, and he is hearing fully again. Oh, and his speech exploded...of course.

Keep me updated on the results.

Karen said...


I went through this with my best friend. It's years later, and we take a lot of joy in raising our kids together. She's also great for unloading on.

Wishing your friend the same support--no matter the outcome.